If anyone saw my last post a year back I was scammed around christmas time while hobbling back in a seasonal charitable mood sprangalang towards the Elephant by ďAliĒ with the meat van clamped and brother of the Kennington Tandoori owner short con.
Well, last night I'm Borisíing back to the holy manor and all the bike stations are full round the Elephant so I end up at the docking station on Great Dover St by the Roebuck.
And as I dock in, lo and behold, itís Ali!
And he's on me like a bad rash with the same worn out short con.
Thank you God. Christmas. Come. Early.
So I let Ali play out his pony as we walk towards the Bricklayers to give me time to work out how Iím going to put it on him.
This time it's Morleys with the Van clamped just past the Old Kent Rd Tesco suitably far away and so it was nice to hear he's spreading the love across the local businesses...
I still canít believe my luck and Iím playing him like piano.
But before I execute my master plan I give him a chance to show an iota of human compassion by explaining that IĎm currently struggling myself and insolvent and got sympathy for any business man, which is no longer so true now but it was true back then when he mugged me.
Thereís a minor pause but Ali's back at it like the true pro he is and as far as Iím concerned Iíve given him a chance and he's now well and truly in the book. And in my laggio state Iím prepared for it to go garrity.
But even in my inebriated condition I realise If it kicks off Iím almost guaranteed to get the first blow in and a white male smashing the grannie out of a seemingly innocent and outwardly harmless Asian lad in the middle of Great Dover St might not be my best look so I ask for a cigarette.
Result! Heís a smoker.
Chesterfield as it happens, which says a lotÖ
So I ruse him off Great Dover St to the side street where the Black Price is on the premise of getting out the wind to light my snout.
And now Iíve got Ali exactly where I want him, stationary with his back against the wall with no way of escaping without me being able to get a hand on him and I'm already seeing my community service medal ceremony at Southwark Town Hall.
And I cannot tell you how much Iím enjoying smoking his cigarette and listening to him spin out the sob story as I nod away like the right Charlie heís taken me for.
To be honest losing the dough wasnít a big thing. Itís the human kindness heís robbed me of. And he's got to pay for that.
Ali has been robbing our community and bringing down the good name of the Kennington Tandoori for far too long. I would include the good name of Morleys as well, but that would be a stretchÖ
So heís up against the wall blowing even more smoke up me he still doesnít know Iím on to him. In way it was such a lovely moment, in a way I didnít want it to end, but nowís the time to put it on him
As Ali lights up his ChesterfieldÖ
Ali. You robbed me a year ago.
You robbed me a year a go with the same story.
What are you talking about (insert look of incredibility)!?
Stop now Ali. It was a good game but you took me for maybe 40 who cares. Pay me back now and itís all good.
I have no money I donít know what you are talking about.
Look Ali, I want my money back so letís walk down to the cash machine and we donít have to get the police involved.
I have no money!
Ali protests as we walk and out of nowhere a cash machine by the Black Horse.
Youíve robbed a lot of people round here including me and I want my money back.
So Ali Ė still protesting - gets out his wallet and his bank card, puts it in and types his digits and he canít take any money out as he has got 4.81 on his card.
I donít fall for that..
Heís got loads of cards. I now have his wallet in my hand with Ali fully under my thumb.
Mate. We all admire your style. But youíve robbed a lot of people in this area. Forget the money, youíve robbed us all of us of our good will.
Ali is still denying it
I put my arm on his shoulder
I can tell you are clearly a clever bloke why do you rob everyone?
Ali is still shaking his head, but heís starting to swell up.
And then Ali starts to 'fess up
Call the police!
Says Ali as he starts balling...
I say Ali we donít really call the police round here. Youíve mugged off quite a few of us but weíve all learnt from that and, to be fair, at least youíre not violent.
Heís begs for the police again.
Iíve still got his wallet in my hand.
Ali, if you will not pay me back the cash you owe. Yet along the cash you own everyone.
So Iím going to take your wallet just to inconvenience you as your penance. Do't worry I won't give it to the police I'll probably throw it in a bin somewhere.
Ali nods yes and starts to look like he's going to cry.
Ali, you need help. Youíre not a bad guy.
Heís nodding and his eyes start filling up.
Youíve robbed a lot of people round here and it is wrong. Iím keeping your wallet, identity card and your bank cards as retribution. I hope you make you life awkward like youíve made me and Iím sure otherís lives. And if I hear of you scamming other people, remember, I might still have your details.
Ali nods in agreement and asks for his Oyster Card back.
So I reach into his wallet and find his Oyster card and give it back to him thinking that's a bit ramdom but good to see he's a pragmatist.
Youíve got to stop doing this you understand. Itís not about the money. Youíre robbing people of our good will.
And then Aliís body language truly changes. Ali says sorry!
Genuinely folks. Ali is genuinely regretting his actions.
Ali, seriously, are you from Bromley?
No , The Old Kent Rd.
Ali, go home. Stop doing this. Think about your life. You can do better than this.
Ali is sobbing away and even Iím getting cut up as itís clear heís not a bad lad.
So what do I do?
I give him a big hug, pat him on his back and send him on his way.
Well, Cameron did tell us to all hug a hoodieÖ
And as Ali sheepishly walks back towards the Bricklayers Iím giving it the bigíun back to the Elephant with his wallet in hand laughing like a Loonie and treat myself to a congratulatory Sol at the Peruvian night club on route.
So folks, I know a lot of people will want Ali to feel the full force of the law, but itís not really my style.
But I can assure you now Aliís life is a bit more inconvenient now someoneís got a record on him. If Ali wants to scam again around here, as I imagine he still wonít be able to totally resist, heís going to be a lot more on toes about it all or heís got the hassle of having to cross-town to work his hustle.
My moneyís on that Ali went back to his crypt and did some serious thinking about his operation and thatís the best we can hope for.
I truly hope he sorts himself as having spoke with him at length. Like I said earlier, heís not a bad lad and is a bit lost and Iíd like to hope he straightens his life out.
If anyone who was scammed by Ali gets to read this I hope it puts a little smile on his or her face as I know it would on mine.
Great story, but you did take a risk of him flipping and turning violent or if a constable passing by stopped and took and interest in the situation, finding him crying beside a cashpoint and you a cyclist with his wallet in your hand, there might have been bad consequences for you...
Must have felt good LC...lol it could have turned a bit nasty though...forty quid he took you for? I got the hump when a guy knocked. At the door and said he'd run out of petrol ..his car was parked around the corner etc..and like soppy idiot gave him couple of quid! My husband went mad!
For forty quid once recognising him...I would have tasered him....
You toook retribution by stealing his wallet, id cards and bank cards through intimidation - not exactly the type of story we want posted on this forum. This is a perfect example of how vigilante justice fails.
Jules62, I did consider that but I was pretty sure after speaking to him that Ali is very un-violent although I did expect him to push me and bolt for it.
Jinkazama - I did expect someone to make this type of comment. I realise my story does not fully convey the very un-violent nature of this encounter. Let me assure you that in no point did I threaten or physically intimidate Ali or prevent his movement. Ali freely gave me with wallet as penance as he probably realised the game was up and wanted to avoid the police. He also said he was sorry which was a big thing for me, at least, the softie that I am.
Ali is a career crim who has robbed maybe hundreds of people maybe over a 10 year period if what the owner of the Kennington Tandoori tells me iis true. The alternative would have been myself apprehending him and the all the risks that entails, and if the police got involved its potentially just my word against his at this stage, or Ali doing a runner into the night almost definitely getting away scot free. I may have been half cut but I got myself and everyone Ali has robbed over the years some pay back which might even straighten him out for it. I hope Ali stops robbing people and turns his life around.
He told me he was the owner of a Bermondsey based curry house and that his car was clamped on Borough High Street. He offered me a curry from his supposed curry house plus money back for helping him. I refused due to the fact I had a terrible curry from that particular curry house the one time I'd tried it and asked him whether they had used tomato soup for base of their Madras, he made his excuses and left...
So in summary I got robbed by a curry house and not Ali.