London Dungeon’s satanic Advent calendar

The chained Santa even suffers the indignity of having a traditional Christmas robin leave a messy deposit on his head.

And instead of a Yuletide image behind the windows, you will find a host of tasteless Christmas trivia Рincluding a suggestion that that the Pope downs a pint of cr̬me de menthe on Christmas Day, hinting that this is why he is carried on a chair.

Another window reveals that 25 December is the birthday of Alice Cooper rather than Jesus was not born on 25 December.

"We've hosted Satan's Grottos at our London, Edinburgh and York Dungeons for a few years now," explained Dungeons boss Vicky Brown.

"They've proved so popular amongst people desperate to escape the relentless commercialism of the season, that this year we thought we'd take our anti-celebrations a stage further."

In past years Satan's Grotto has drawn criticism from the Bishop of Southwark.

In keeping with the anti-festive theme, there are no chocolates behind the windows on the Dungeon calendar...just snippets like the fact that more than 8,000 Brits spend Christmas Day in casualty, or that turkeys can drown if they look up when it rains!

The limited edition calendar will be sold for £1 to Satan's Grotto visitors...provided they can persuade Satan they've been bad.

Satan's Grotto visitors are likely to be greeted by elves impaled on spikes and robins roasting over an open fire, while Santa gently boils in a witch's cauldron.

Cross Satan's palm with silver and they may be invited to try their luck in a 'yucky dip'.

Satan's Grotto is unlikely to be popular with James Lovell from the Great Suffolk Street-based Ministry of Fun, who organised a recent Santa School at Southwark Cathedral for wannabe Father Christmases.